Yeah… so I just grab my keys, my wallet, and my phone and jump in the car.
I’m not sure where I was heading but I’ve taken to taking solitary drives of late listening to the sound of my car and the music.
I went south on Midland, cause I knew that I should get some food.
But really, the truth is lately I’ve not overly cared about food. It’s just been easy to knock back the kale, eggs, and salads.
But I digress, so I’m driving along listening to some 80’s tunes, and “Photographs & Memories” by Jim Croce comes on. I’ll just say that as a photographer it hit once again.
Now that’s some craziness right there. I grew up on that song. Hadn’t heard it in a while. Anyway, I sort of tuned it out and attended to my thoughts.
And either it was the moment or the drive or the evening air and the night I don’t know, but I feel as if they all conspired on my behalf, I was given a clarity I’ve never had.
I could finally see her, seducing me slowly… she’s calling me, she wants me. Like a lion on the hunt… I could finally see her and I finally understood why I always got caught.
Life was always moving too fast, you’ve slowed the pace, I think to myself. Less anxiety, less fear, as I’ve released and tried to submit I’ve been able to see more.
And so I was able to see her hunting… and I knew I was the prey.
I always just ended up there with her… wherever there was at that time. I’ve been with her for a while, always running. I’ve never wanted to commit.
I never wanted to spend any time with her and I never will. I just couldn’t ever see her approach, before now.
Every time it’s the same mess, it’s like waking up next to someone you don’t “know” in bed but on some level, you know you didn’t fight their advances.
I would be doing life, pushing through one thing or another but then I’d always end up jammed up under her in full submission… she always got me in the end.
But it’s been a long time, don’t get me wrong, no one has ever wanted me as much as she has. No one had the power to seduce me. She has been circling me forever.
She has studied me more than any other… but not because she loves me. I have never felt like she cared about me for all her pursuits.
It’s so odd!
She’s got this weirdly comforting destructive nature. Little by little she’ll wean you off life and next thing you know you’ll be flirting with death if you hang too long.
Her name is beautiful… when I first heard it my heart fluttered at its beauty… “Melan”, come on, now that’s beautiful, it’s her last name that’s the problem.
Melan Cholic, her family are known worldwide. They did a rebrand about 50 or 60 or more years ago and now they are known simply as, Depressed. From Melancholic to depressed, ain’t that something?
Yeah, now you get it!
Now resist her.