Depression, it’s a one-sided relationship, one established with the darkest part of your soul.
It is a hunter. Its capture rate is higher than that of the African Wild Dog.
Once you’re being pursued there is little that can be done to avoid it. You will have to confront it, or you’ll perish by it.
It is deceptive, it lies in wait, it beckons to you, it masquerades as rest, it will sit at your bedside and wake you from your slumber with arms open wide. It calls to you and you alone, the voice soft, the calling imperceptible.
Once you engage it, the people, places, and things that bring you the greatest joy will become the things you dread the most. It thrives on your isolation; it thrives on your desire to be apart.
The relationship will be secret, it hates the light. You can’t walk down the street with it. You can’t share about your love for it, all it desires is you in the darkness.
There will be no special dinners together, no dances, no dates, you’ll never feel special, you’ll never feel safe, and you’ll never feel any of the things that a relationship should make you feel.
Depression loves oblivion, it loves the void, it loves the deep dark places of the soul and it feeds on your destruction and your despair… it wants to take you and keep you there, in oblivion.
It will clothe you in a robe of shame, it will become your most illicit relationship, it will become your master, and you shall be the slave. You shall reside in a high tower, away from all forms of life, away even from your mind.
It will play tricks on your mind, it will alter your perception of what is real, valid, and necessary. It wants you all to itself, it’s that jealous lover that keeps you isolated but doesn’t show up for you.
If you need to feel wanted, then it’s the best lover you’ll have because it wants all of you, but then you lose all of you, once you engage it.
If you want a lasting relationship, it will offer you that, till death will you part… unfortunately.
It is vast, it is dark, and it is inviting, but the invitation is to dine at a table with no food and no one else present just the wounded parts of your soul.
You won’t like the you that you engage once you accept the invitation. Depression is a death of all that is true, it is a death of all that you knew, and it is a death of all that can become of you.
Flee from it, shine a light on it, it hates exposure, it hates illumination, for it lacks power outside of the darkness.
And the best defense, do not isolate, don’t shut yourself off, it wants and needs you alone to engulf you, stay connected, at all costs, stay connected. Create structure, establish a routine, live.
This is the season, beware of its call…