Yesterday, I had an experience that altered me. It left me affected and it caused me to be refocused, but in a way even more focused, I was shown love, and I received an injection of it. And It healed parts of my heart that I didn’t realize were broken.
The past week or so has been a whirlwind of pain, sadness, grief, mourning, and anger for most of us. It has been emotional as it swept across my own heart. I am however now in a different place. I was moved, and I now submit to the change.
I accept that as a man whose skin color is melanated as it is, I will be perceived as being less valuable by some in this world. I also accept that some of those people a large number will never “see me” for who I am because they will fear who I appear to be.
I accept that my heart will continue to be broken by racial injustice and the accompanying hate. I accept that this is the reality. I accept that some people will not make it out, some will not go to the next level, and some will be engulfed by the pain and anger.
I accept that we humans have never been able to rule ourselves, govern ourselves, and consistently control ourselves. I accept that the history that I have learned taught me that we are no better than each other. I accept that black is as oppressive as white and that we are all in one way or another prone to harm one another.
I accept that my path is also different, that I am not to follow others but to lead by the example that I set. I accept that many will not be where I am, many will be stuck in a thinking manufactured by fear. And I also accept that my thinking this way is born of privilege.
I accept all these things. I accept that love has changed my heart, that it allows me to grieve the loss, that it allows me to grieve our countless disconnections, and that it allows me to see clearly. I accept all things, resistance is futile. The only thing I will try to resist is the call to anger and fear. Those I will resist, and God help me when I fail.
Those who inflict harm on others are mentally ill. Mental illness is simply when we lose our minds and commit acts that violate our humanity. When we become so engulfed in fear we disconnect from reality and are unable to reverse our course. I accept that there are people who are mentally ill who are in positions of control and power in this society. Last week brought that home.
I accept that those who take life are not powerful, that they are the weakest among us. I accept that we can no longer recognize that fear is brokenness. I accept that the hardest thing that we will ever do is love and consider one another. I also accept that most will fail, and I accept that I am not called to.
I am a human being, intelligent, sensitive, intuitive, willful, and empathic, I accept who I am, and I am grateful that I am this way. I follow no one, my conscience is my guide. I am no different than the next man and yet I am.
We get to design ourselves and only when we step away from ourselves do we get to see this truth. I am grateful for yesterday. It makes today so much richer. I like this level.